


Unshed tears

by hoichildimgay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 06:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18338021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoichildimgay/pseuds/hoichildimgay
Summary: He hesitated.spoilers for chap 84





	Unshed tears

**Author's Note:**

> first attempt at angst sksksk I tried ok I wanted it to be longer but idk what else I could have wrote uwu
> 
> spoilers for chap 84
> 
> please tell me what you think!!

 

When he had his blade through Zeke’s face, he hesitated to kill him.

 

_( Isn't there anyone I can bring back? )_

 

When Eren told him to give the serum to Armin ,unknown to him that _he_ was still breathing,he hesitated.

 

 _( But I can bring back_ _only one man_ _.)_

 

He dared to still have hope.

 

And when Floch brought _him_ clinging to life,  for a fleeting second relief washed over him. Then came pain.

 

Pain as he carefully laid him down, afraid he would break. (Funny, _he_ was already broken, more pieces were missing. _He_ was dying next to Levi.)

Eren was begging him, pleading to give the serum to Armin, justifying why Armin should get it. But ,when Levi is making the choice, how could Armin be more worthy?

 

He punched Eren and Mikasa attacked him, but he had no sense of those things happening. With trembling hands, he held the serum tight. He remembered Floch talking. Remembered mentioning _him_ so he listens. Heard him call _him_ the Devil and he struggled to breathe, though it did not show.

 

_The Devil_

 

How could he call him that? They didn't know, they didn't know a damn th--

 

Blinding fury and sadness washed over him. He wanted to scream at Floch, hug _him_ close and never let go. But he couldn't. He couldn't, because _he just can't damnit_ . He has a role to keep, he can't crumble, not yet. Later when he will be all alone, he would. He didn't remember Hanji's speach to Mikasa, he only stared at _him_ dying ever so slowly. His mind was screaming _his_ name, panicking.

 

It felt like he was the one dying. He announced he'd give the serum to Erwin, because that's what he _should_ do. He said it himself  without Erwin, humanity is doomed. He had no choice but to save Erwin, right?

 

They all leave him with Bertothold and _him_.

 

_( Fools all of them…)_

 

As he dragged Bertothold away, memories flooded his mind.

 

The sound of Armin's voice when talking about his dream. The fire still burning strong in his eyes. _His_ pained full of uncertainty voice when talking about what awaits after _his_ dream. _His_ defeated, tired look when seeing that _he_ won't achieve the dream he has worked sowith hard for.

 

_He is screaming for him._

 

Kneeling next to _him_ , he gently took.his arm and pressed the needle against bare skin. He closed his eyes and took one last look. But then he raised his hand and spoke his last words

 

_Teacher… how we'd… find out they..don't exist?_

 

Everything shattered then. He realized. He remembered Kenny's words.

_Everyone is a slave to something. Even him._

It hurt. It hurt so bad. He knew what he should do, knew what was  best for humanity. But, what was best for humanity was not for _Erwin_. He couldn't hurt him more. Hadn't he done enough? Hadn't he given enough?

 

_Humanity can't hurt Erwin anymore._

 

No one will hurt him anymore. He made his decision. It was easy, for what is humanity compared to Erwin? When it's up to Levi, it is nothing. There was only one option, just like there was only one man for Levi. Had he not hesitated he could have killed Zeke, but he didn't (doesn't) regret it. After all he got to be there for Erwin’s final moments. He got to give him peace. It's okay now. Not for Levi, but it was okay for Erwin. He let him go and it was okay.

 

His eyelids will remain closed. He will never see that blue he loved so much. But oh he looked so peaceful. How Levi wish he could join him. He had a vow to fulfil and he will, there is no other option.

 

* Staring at his dead body, Kenny's question came  to mind.

 

_And what are you, a hero?_

 

A “hero” would have given Erwin the serum. He damned humanity. He is no hero…

 

Just what is he now, without Erwin?


End file.
